Dr Plokta's Guide to Software

We've been trialling a range of fine new computer toys here at Plokta Central. Do you want Jerry Dr Plokta to enthuse wildly over your product? Just send us a free sample and we'll give it a silly name and make sure everyone gets to hear about it.


A boon to the harried loccer, this program is linked to an OCR interface which will absorb a fanzine and produce a reasonable LoC, perhaps not quite of the highest quality, but certainly enough to ensure that one remains on the mailing list. We've been using it for years ourselves. Prospective users should note, however, that we have installed a handy shareware utility that can detect LoCoscript LoCs, and they will be WAHFed.

Pretty Good Cruttenden

This popular encryption program will take normal text and turn it into completely incomprehensible bollocks. We were impressed by the sample of enCruttened text reproduced here. However, our review copy was supplied without decryption routines, which makes us wonder what the point is.

Dr Plokta's Anti-Gafia Toolkit

A handy set of utilities for warding off the dreaded Gafia. Despite the wide array of computer programs supplied, the single most effective item is probably the voucher for a lifetime supply of condoms. Beware of the contemptible imitation, Dr Gafia's Anti-Plokta Toolkit.


The ShockWAHF Plugin will automatically search the electricity grid for those who have been WAHFed in your latest fanzine and administer 240V in order to encourage them to turn in a more interesting LoC next time.

Kai's Power Ghu

This handy image manipulation package will turn any picture into an ideal fannish fillo. Handy slider controls allow you to control the quantity of cats, the number of propellers on the beanies and the level of superfluous technology.

Microsoft Pub-Ish-er

Microsoft's latest program takes you painlessly through all stages of fanzine creation, from the initial concept to the mailing. The Gestetner interface was particularly appreciated. Indeed, it proved so useful and bug-free that it's been used to produce this issue of Plok beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeep nnnnnnnNNNnnnnnNNNnnnnnNNNnnnnnNNNnnnnn nnnnnNNNnnnnnNNNnnnSPROING doo-wop-doo-wop KA-BLOOEY! chunk doink punt CRASH clunk clunk cla-clunk clunk oo-ah-ah thump thump thump CLOMP thump thump ting-tang walla-walla BING BANG ow-ow-ow AH-OOGA AH-OOGA ouch! sproink bloop fwee-fweee-fweeee-fweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeà

Games Corner

Meanwhile, here at Chaos Hovel, we've been getting a bit of games practice in for Christmas. High on our list are


If you're looking for a book to read over Christmas with the folks and away from the computer, you could do worse than the popular Dummies series. New additions include Fanzines for Dummies, Drinking for Dummies, Conrunning for Dummies and Worldcons for Complete Fuckwits.

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